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let me light your cigarette! please let me light your cigarette!!!
Tuesday, 28 February 2017
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arson
arsonist
bridge-burning
bridges
also hard to pay for
Friday, 24 February 2017
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Tags:
glue
books
libraries
bookstores
or a really late midnight snack
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
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lunch
dinner
early dinner
weight loss
sorry
Saturday, 18 February 2017
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apologies
apology guy
apology
and leave room for some flattened entrails for dessert!
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
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vultures
broccoli
road kill
groundhogs
stop hogging all the hair!
Wednesday, 08 February 2017
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rapunzel
propecia
baldness
hair
and stop stretching out all your sweaters!
Friday, 03 February 2017
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superheroes
mothers
plasticman
selfies
he'll also drive you home for free
Wednesday, 01 February 2017
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mr. lonely
airport
hugs
that's practically a third of a postage stamp!!!
Saturday, 28 January 2017
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Tags:
jasper
money savers
bananas
fruit
stickers
or a glute splinter
Thursday, 26 January 2017
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Tags:
football
coaches
optimism
pebble
and don't forget to airbnb your closet!
Monday, 23 January 2017
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jasper
money-savers
coat hangers
"for one hundred points, how many points is one hundred?"
Friday, 20 January 2017
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game shows
concussions
unless you're in canada... then it's 1.60934 kilometers
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
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acrobats
gloves
philosophy
hands
sad ants just look for the bottom of a shoe
Friday, 13 January 2017
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flies
death
suicide
how about giving me a new seed to grow a good one?
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
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mangoes
fruit
warranties
extended warranty
added bonus: no expensive electricity!
Monday, 09 January 2017
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jasper
money-savers
shredders
taxes
silence is (usually) golden
Friday, 06 January 2017
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shark tank
silent dog whistle
idiots
i'm optimistic that people find him annoying
Tuesday, 03 January 2017
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lottery
optimists
happy new year!
Saturday, 31 December 2016
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Tags:
new years
calendars
idiots
now watch as I pull a rabbit out of my esophagus!
Thursday, 29 December 2016
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magicians
tracheotomy
scarves
hurry up, he's off to paint the town red!
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
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mr. literal
gas stations
gas
fill-ups
he came up with all these in a strait jacket
Monday, 26 December 2016
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cuckoo
cuckoo clocks
inventors
calculators
calendars
it's 856#%FKiih)8&^*#*$^W&Rk, idiot!
Monday, 19 December 2016
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game shows
passwords
giraffes ruin everything!
Friday, 16 December 2016
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giraffes
belt loops
streaks
71% haggle free!
Monday, 12 December 2016
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rolls royces
sales
marketing
idiots
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See Brian discuss his book on the Hallmark channel
Read the NY Times piece Brian wrote
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Brian and Sam on Salon
See Brian and Sam on 'THE LIST'
Been There, Drawn That
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