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brian
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that's like comparing apples to another type of apple
brian
Monday, 30 May 2016
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idiots
analogies
bad analogies
frisbees
varicose veins
but you are covered for earthquakes
brian
Thursday, 26 May 2016
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house of cards
insurance
scams
must contain at least one number and two asterisks
brian
Monday, 23 May 2016
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linkedin
passwords
cheaper than advil
brian
Saturday, 21 May 2016
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woodpeckers
migraines
secrets
everyone goes home happy... sort of
brian
Tuesday, 17 May 2016
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robbers
suicide
death
at least he understands gravity
brian
Sunday, 15 May 2016
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idiots
garbage
beds
and some microdermabrasion for your collar
brian
Friday, 13 May 2016
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botox
clothes
los angeles
wrinkles
"don'tcha hate it when you forget to take out your invisalign before you pop in a cherry?"
brian
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
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lozenges
conventions
stand-up
making lemmings out of lemmingade
brian
Friday, 06 May 2016
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lemmings
death
cliffs
someone needs a chiropractor referral
brian
Tuesday, 03 May 2016
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hunchbacks
notre dame
scoliosis
3.5%?
brian
Friday, 29 April 2016
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restaurants
tipping
the tambourine just filed assault charges
brian
Tuesday, 26 April 2016
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courtrooms
court
triangles
drywall has zero calories
brian
Friday, 22 April 2016
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drywall
diets
mice
models
and you never signaled!
brian
Wednesday, 20 April 2016
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traffic
road rage
history
the lettuce is in intensive care
brian
Monday, 18 April 2016
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lettuce
intensive care
expiration dates
milk
death
and stay out of the soup, show-off!
brian
Thursday, 14 April 2016
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knives
forks
unions
silverware
cutlery
be careful not to swallow the tiny harmonica
brian
Monday, 11 April 2016
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violin
tiny violin
whiners
musical instruments
wishful thinking
brian
Friday, 08 April 2016
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heimlich
speakerphone
public places
it's only 1300 fitbit steps to the top of the mountain
brian
Tuesday, 05 April 2016
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sisyphus
cross-training
exercise
giant rocks
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children are dumb!
brian
Thursday, 31 March 2016
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chickens
easter egg hunt
easter
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not quite as exciting as the o.j. trial
brian
Tuesday, 29 March 2016
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small claims court
courtrooms
court
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the leopard's spots are sharpied on by a monkey
brian
Monday, 28 March 2016
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zebras
tattoos
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he also has arthritis in three other arms
brian
Friday, 25 March 2016
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handicap
octopi
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also makes it tougher to steal office supplies
brian
Wednesday, 23 March 2016
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naked
offices
casual fridays
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it's supposed to be 2:30 not 230 B.C.
brian
Friday, 18 March 2016
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daylight savings
ancient history
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