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and the lincoln memorial really wants a pedicure
Monday, 08 June 2015
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statue of liberty
massage
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next up: tickling the ivories
Thursday, 04 June 2015
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xylophones
sadomasochism
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some people don't know when to shut up
Tuesday, 02 June 2015
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mimes
blabbermouths
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he actually does hop while in the shower
Monday, 01 June 2015
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house hunting
idiots
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but he does a great stuffed pizza crust
Thursday, 28 May 2015
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taxidermist
animals
stuffing
worlds worst
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and he didn't remember valentine's day either
Sunday, 24 May 2015
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cavemen
birthdays
calendars
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me no end sentence any no more in preposition
Thursday, 21 May 2015
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tarzan
grammar
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and i'd prefer a checkerboard kitchen floor
Monday, 18 May 2015
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chess
realtors
bishops
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it'd be easier to just change his name
Friday, 15 May 2015
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stubborn
idiots
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eager to get his insect larvae smoothie
Wednesday, 13 May 2015
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small mammals
hamsters
health
gyms
treadmills
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gaddafi university dropout
Monday, 11 May 2015
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dictators
firing squads
idiots
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where's my pet dinosaur?!?
Friday, 08 May 2015
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creationists
cavemen
evolution
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but he's bad with zip codes
Monday, 04 May 2015
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superheroes
non-superheroes
area codes
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always use a mirror
Friday, 01 May 2015
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shaving
idiots
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and the head gasket on your camry is cracked
Thursday, 30 April 2015
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psychics
guns
scams
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doug's optometry office was always bustling
Monday, 27 April 2015
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optometrists
cheating
eye exams
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my doppelganger's in the third urinal
Thursday, 23 April 2015
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gum
douchebags
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he also skypes with himself
Wednesday, 22 April 2015
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lonely
mr. lonely
telephones
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sesame noodles sent directly to esophagus
Tuesday, 21 April 2015
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chinese food
fortune cookies
kindles
iPads
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what john kerry will soon realize
Saturday, 18 April 2015
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fail3
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iran
nuclear weapons
uranium
combs
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they were still waiting to hear back from "america's got talent"
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
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babies
music
corpses
bands
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from silver to gold
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
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age
old
world records
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h2no
Friday, 10 April 2015
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california
drought
spit takes
jerry brown
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at least he didn't confuse up and down
Wednesday, 08 April 2015
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lost
pilots
airplanes
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his favorite position is corpse pose
Monday, 06 April 2015
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depression
yoga
carbon monoxide
incense
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See Brian discuss his book on the Hallmark channel
Read the NY Times piece Brian wrote
Read about
Brian and Sam on Salon
See Brian and Sam on 'THE LIST'
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