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brian
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and you can't talk and not be insensitive at the same time
brian
Monday, 23 September 2019
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wheelchairs
gum
walking
reading
idiots
the bar gets even more defensive
brian
Monday, 09 September 2019
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pies
charts
pie charts
business
conference rooms
businessmen
or just let me cut your head off
brian
Thursday, 05 September 2019
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requests
movie theaters
tall
vertebrae
then i can start paying back my student loans for business school!
brian
Monday, 02 September 2019
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metal detectors
beach
beaches
coins
idiots
money
and don't worry about birth control
brian
Tuesday, 27 August 2019
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senior citizens
sex
hearing aids
swingers
condoms
but crullers are free
brian
Thursday, 22 August 2019
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donuts
unreasonable
stores
expensive
fryers
although he insists it's just hair growth meds
brian
Friday, 16 August 2019
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peds
steroids
trains
little engine
children's books
actually he just really hates myra
brian
Tuesday, 13 August 2019
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truckers
wheels
19th wheel
5th wheel
myra
i will also make a milkshake come out of my penis in the middle of the night!
brian
Wednesday, 31 July 2019
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magic
magicians
low-skilled
sandwiches
asses
no, but there's an applebee's
brian
Saturday, 27 July 2019
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smoothies
lewis
clark
lewis and clark
explorers
third wheels
the mobius strip of careers
brian
Monday, 22 July 2019
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life coach
life
coach
losers
bars
snakes are a great source of protein!
brian
Sunday, 14 July 2019
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third wheels
apples
diets
adam and eve
carbs
and you might want to get rid of the dead guy in the trunk
brian
Wednesday, 10 July 2019
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third wheels
bonnie
clyde
bonnie and clyde
robbers
"however i will be unable to prance until tomorrow!"
brian
Friday, 05 July 2019
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overdramatic
acting
walking
valedictorian
feet
okay, i just pet a dog, now it's only thirteen seconds...
brian
Tuesday, 25 June 2019
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late
unnecessary
talking
extra words
schedules
still more pleasant than the bi-polar bougainvillea
brian
Thursday, 20 June 2019
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marigolds
flowers
water
passive-aggressive
gardens
maybe i'll hire someone to hold it up to my mouth
brian
Saturday, 15 June 2019
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straws
inventions
lazy
origins
glasses
actually i do need a handkerchief -- for my skull blood!
brian
Monday, 10 June 2019
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sneezing
noises
stuntmen
colds
bless you
gesundheit
and no more collars!
brian
Wednesday, 29 May 2019
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dogs
strikes
1981
kibble
squeak toys
fetching
dog's best friend
brian
Thursday, 23 May 2019
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dog
balls
tmj
carpal tunnel
man's best friend
100% ready for the circus preakness
brian
Tuesday, 21 May 2019
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centaurs
clowns
man
shoes
clown-taurs
much cheaper than owning a pair
brian
Friday, 17 May 2019
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shoes
transportation
uber
lyft
scooters
and if you never plug in your tv you'll save on electricity
brian
Tuesday, 14 May 2019
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jasper
money
money savers
remotes
television
tips
batteries
regardless, you shouldn't leave the house without sunscreen!
brian
Monday, 06 May 2019
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dinosaurs
weatherman
meteors
extinction
death
and i only have organic blood
brian
Wednesday, 01 May 2019
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vampires
straws
environment
oceans
plastics
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